Life for the BigLaw Mommy

What's life like for the BigLaw mommy?

I finally had the chance to find out, four years after passing the bar.

I lucked out. Landed myself a sweet gig at a top tier firm.

Truth be told, it's not easy. While partners claim to be sympathetic to the plight of a mommy lawyer, a look around the firm gave me a clear idea of where mommy lawyers really stood.

Here's a tip-- the most successful female lawyer at the firm was not a mommy, at the age of 60. Married, yes. Mommy, no.

The mommy track exists at the big law firms but as any smart mentor will tell you, the mommy brand can taint you. Not always, but it can.

I don't know if anyone comes out and says overtly that your chances of success are threatened by being a mommy lawyer, but it's certainly the elephant in the room at many large law firms.

I didn't have much problem, but then again, I was not a salaried associate. I came on board as an hourly associate. Interestingly, the young male lawyer who started at the same time as me came on board as a full time associate.

Discrepancy?

And let's not forget the added responsibilities that come your way as a mommy. While the daddy was on board helping and holding down the fort with the little ones, the little tykes still want mommy and still miss mommy when she's out. So I had to kiss bye-bye to the 8 p.m. work nights out, as well as the after-work happy hours and the networking events.

Being a mom and working at a top tier firm is certainly doable. But it's not easy.

If you choose to take this path, then make sure you enlist all the help you can get. Call on family to help. Make sure your spouse is on board. And if you must, dish out top-dollar and hire a very good caregiver or housekeeper.

While some women luck out with fabulous work-life balance situations, many parents have to make some difficult decisions.

Trivial Interests: The Mystical Key to Work-Life Balance

Looking back at my last blog post, one thought comes to mind: Boy was I ever wrong!

I started my summer internship on a tense and stressed note, trying to maintain a heightened level of professionalism and forcing myself to believe that there was no life outside of my career.

Then, it all changed the day the managing partner told me that the life outside of law is what mattered more to my career than focusing nonstop on the law, itself. He told me that I needed to develop, what he called, "trivial interests".

"What are trivial interests?" I asked.

"Trivial interests are those interests or hobbies that have no valuable or useful purpose in life."


As I got to know the partners more, I realized that they were such good lawyers because they had lives outside of the firm. One of the partners enjoyed travelling abroad with his wife, while volunteering with underprivileged kids in Marin County during the school year. Another partner spent every conceivable moment with his teenage sons, even during office hours, where they would be sitting in his office arguing the meaning of God. An associate volunteered with Big Brothers.

And then I came to learn- If we, as attorneys, spend our spare time focusing on law, then we risk becoming terribly one-dimensional. In time, we can burn out much faster and we miss out on the small, trivial interests that life has to offer. It's the law of diminishing returns. The harder we try to be the best, the less likely we will ever be the best because there will always be some new height to reach and a higher bar to cross.

So the lesson I take away from the attorneys at this firm is simple- make time for the trivial interests that bring you joy, because the law will always be there tomorrow.

First Day in Court

We conquer several major firsts in our lives. Although some of the first seem intimidating, once we conquer our fears and accomplish the task, in time, our fears ease. In time, not overnight.

My first day in court was two years into practicing law. Actually, I take that back. My first say in court was before I was even licensed to practice, but at the time, I sat in the back of the courtroom and performed last minute research.

My first time appearing before a judge was in Santa Rosa Bankruptcy Court. I began working for a bankruptcy attorney and my first day on the job was also my first day in court. She called me over the weekend to tell me about a motion I needed to argue on Monday. I saw the motion for the first time on Sunday night. I was to drive two hours to Santa Rosa the next day, to argue a motion I had only seen the night before. To add salt to the wound, I was to argue it alone, without my supervising attorney there.

In the end, the motion was granted. But the entire courtroom knew this was my first time. For starters, I checked in with the Trustee instead of the Court Clerk. The Trustee was kind enough to direct me to the Court Clerk. Then, when my line item was called, I spoke before I got to the podium. Finally, I had no clue that I would be arguing the motion to the Trustee, first. I guess Santa Rosa does things differently. So I was not prepared to state the reason for the motion, not was I even aware that they were calling my motion.

Talk about trial by fire.