Working Parents: Don't Be Ashamed to Ask For Help

It's not shameful to ask for help. But parents--moms in particular-- can find it so shameful to admit that parenting is hard work. They see the smiling moms, with their perfect jobs and coiffed hair raising three perfect kids, who make parenting and working look effortless.

Don't buy into that image. It's not always real.

Here's reality: When you're a working parent, it's hard enough to be in several places at once. If you're a lawyer and a mom, it's even harder. But this post isn't just for lawyer moms. It's for all working parents, as the struggle of balancing work and parenting is common.

Related Read: Quick and Easy Means for the Working Parent (Foodie Heaven)

When you're an attorney working at a firm, in house or operating your own practice, it's hard enough to be all things for all people.



But throw in kids into the mix and you've got a recipe for chaos.

It's a myth to say that humans are good at multitasking. We're not capable of multi-tasking. According to a recent study, only two percent of the human population can actually multitask effectively. What we've come to know as "multi-tasking" is actually the ability for a human to quickly change focus.

For a parent, it's even harder to "multi-task", yet, we've grown accustomed to switching focus at the snap of a finger. As a parent, at any given point of the day, your attention is split between your the task you are trying to accomplish and the need to care for your kids. Children are in some ways the most selfish of creatures. They don't care whether you are preoccupied or whether you have to meet a deadline. They don't care that you have hot oil on the stove. If they want something, they want it NOW.

Sounds like your legal client, doesn't it?

That's why the legal profession can be a particularly challenging one for a parent. You have people making quick demands and expecting fast turnaround all day, at all hours of the day. There's no "off" switch. There's no down time. When a legal client or a partner at your firm wants a task delivered, you must drop everything and deliver.

Many lawyers will opt to go in-house once they have kids, thinking that the removal of the billable hour might ease their deadlines and turnaround times. The in-house legal environment should theoretically be better. The attorney has only one client to represent-- the company. In practice, however, the in-house attorney's role is to be responsive to numerous internal clients, many of whom have critical multi-million dollar business deals to close in short time frames.

The reality is that if you're a working professional and a parent at the same time, it's hard to juggle the responsibilities of parenting and the demands of work.

Some people are fortunate to have parents or in-laws nearby to help. But for those people who aren't as fortunate, it's important to develop a network of close allies and friends who can help--you need good friends who can pick up your kids last minute from daycare if you're running late, share food with you, or even lend you a shoulder to cry on when the stress gets overwhelming. There's no shame in asking for help.

Trivial Interests: The Mystical Key to Work-Life Balance

Looking back at my last blog post, one thought comes to mind: Boy was I ever wrong!

I started my summer internship on a tense and stressed note, trying to maintain a heightened level of professionalism and forcing myself to believe that there was no life outside of my career.

Then, it all changed the day the managing partner told me that the life outside of law is what mattered more to my career than focusing nonstop on the law, itself. He told me that I needed to develop, what he called, "trivial interests".

"What are trivial interests?" I asked.

"Trivial interests are those interests or hobbies that have no valuable or useful purpose in life."


As I got to know the partners more, I realized that they were such good lawyers because they had lives outside of the firm. One of the partners enjoyed travelling abroad with his wife, while volunteering with underprivileged kids in Marin County during the school year. Another partner spent every conceivable moment with his teenage sons, even during office hours, where they would be sitting in his office arguing the meaning of God. An associate volunteered with Big Brothers.

And then I came to learn- If we, as attorneys, spend our spare time focusing on law, then we risk becoming terribly one-dimensional. In time, we can burn out much faster and we miss out on the small, trivial interests that life has to offer. It's the law of diminishing returns. The harder we try to be the best, the less likely we will ever be the best because there will always be some new height to reach and a higher bar to cross.

So the lesson I take away from the attorneys at this firm is simple- make time for the trivial interests that bring you joy, because the law will always be there tomorrow.