Pregnant and Working: A Female Lawyer's Lament

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to start a new law job while pregnant?

Yep, that's right. Pregnant.

I had a little chat with some other female lawyers over the weekend. And interestingly, a male lawyer earlier today.

It's so damn hard to work while pregnant, let alone start a new job while pregnant. I've been struggling with this for months now, as I'm officially in my final trimester. The last time I was pregnant, I actually had to quit because I kept throwing up at work. That was a long time ago.

This time around, I can't say that the pregnancy is any better (in fact, it may even be a bit worse) but I am struggling to keep up with my work. It's like the pregnancy hormones take over and my mind turns to mush. I make silly mistakes. I have typos. I submit duplicates of the same document. I can't remember the names of other associates or paralegals.

And every day, all I can think about all day is frivolous Facebook gossip, whether Joshua will win on American Idol or anything else frivolous that I can bring  to the forefront of my mind.

It's driving  me mad.

Of course, let's not forget the fact that I still throw up at work. Even six months into my pregnancy.

Related Read: 5 Tips for Pregnant Lawyers

Pregnancy sucks, but it sucks more when you're a lawyer and have to work in an industry that doesn't tolerate mistakes. 

Then, I had the chance to speak to a woman who started a new job at Google when she was five months pregnant. In addition to forever being labeled as "the pregnant girl," she claims that she had a very hard time taking on a new job when pregnant. She said she was lucky that they attributed it to "ramping up" at a new job, so mistakes were expected.

A male lawyer I talked to today told me that his wife was expecting and was currently six months pregnant. While she's not a lawyer, he's a partner at a firm and told me that  he has to come home every day and manage household responsibilities, since she's wiped.

Wiped out. Doesn't that sound familiar?

I come home and I can barely keep my head up. Two weeks ago, I asked that the TV be moved to the bedroom. Now, all I do is come home, change into my PJs and sit in front of the TV, soaking in whatever useless crap is on television.

The best advice I was given was to shut off any distractions (such as my Facebook iPhone app) and to get to bed early.

That's easier said than done, since I already have one kid who refuses to sleep before 10 p.m.

Oh well, another two months to go and I take leave.

Life for the BigLaw Mommy

What's life like for the BigLaw mommy?

I finally had the chance to find out, four years after passing the bar.

I lucked out. Landed myself a sweet gig at a top tier firm.

Truth be told, it's not easy. While partners claim to be sympathetic to the plight of a mommy lawyer, a look around the firm gave me a clear idea of where mommy lawyers really stood.

Here's a tip-- the most successful female lawyer at the firm was not a mommy, at the age of 60. Married, yes. Mommy, no.

The mommy track exists at the big law firms but as any smart mentor will tell you, the mommy brand can taint you. Not always, but it can.

I don't know if anyone comes out and says overtly that your chances of success are threatened by being a mommy lawyer, but it's certainly the elephant in the room at many large law firms.

I didn't have much problem, but then again, I was not a salaried associate. I came on board as an hourly associate. Interestingly, the young male lawyer who started at the same time as me came on board as a full time associate.

Discrepancy?

And let's not forget the added responsibilities that come your way as a mommy. While the daddy was on board helping and holding down the fort with the little ones, the little tykes still want mommy and still miss mommy when she's out. So I had to kiss bye-bye to the 8 p.m. work nights out, as well as the after-work happy hours and the networking events.

Being a mom and working at a top tier firm is certainly doable. But it's not easy.

If you choose to take this path, then make sure you enlist all the help you can get. Call on family to help. Make sure your spouse is on board. And if you must, dish out top-dollar and hire a very good caregiver or housekeeper.

While some women luck out with fabulous work-life balance situations, many parents have to make some difficult decisions.

Trivial Interests: The Mystical Key to Work-Life Balance

Looking back at my last blog post, one thought comes to mind: Boy was I ever wrong!

I started my summer internship on a tense and stressed note, trying to maintain a heightened level of professionalism and forcing myself to believe that there was no life outside of my career.

Then, it all changed the day the managing partner told me that the life outside of law is what mattered more to my career than focusing nonstop on the law, itself. He told me that I needed to develop, what he called, "trivial interests".

"What are trivial interests?" I asked.

"Trivial interests are those interests or hobbies that have no valuable or useful purpose in life."


As I got to know the partners more, I realized that they were such good lawyers because they had lives outside of the firm. One of the partners enjoyed travelling abroad with his wife, while volunteering with underprivileged kids in Marin County during the school year. Another partner spent every conceivable moment with his teenage sons, even during office hours, where they would be sitting in his office arguing the meaning of God. An associate volunteered with Big Brothers.

And then I came to learn- If we, as attorneys, spend our spare time focusing on law, then we risk becoming terribly one-dimensional. In time, we can burn out much faster and we miss out on the small, trivial interests that life has to offer. It's the law of diminishing returns. The harder we try to be the best, the less likely we will ever be the best because there will always be some new height to reach and a higher bar to cross.

So the lesson I take away from the attorneys at this firm is simple- make time for the trivial interests that bring you joy, because the law will always be there tomorrow.