How to Survive a Toxic Boss When You're In House Counsel

I'm an in house lawyer and I hate my boss. She's a senior lawyer who has years less experience than those she manages. Somehow, she got promoted over others, probably due to her insane work ethic and eye for detail. After all, those are the qualities that set good lawyers apart. Being a good lawyer, however, isn't enough to be a good manager. She lacks one of the fundamental building blocks of leadership-- empathy. 

I still remember the first meeting I had with her, nearly four years ago. At that meeting, I had agreed to help one of our sales managers with an NDA. When I told her that I had taken on an NDA, she blasted me. I counted the minutes-- five, ten... thirty minutes on why I can't take NDAs because they're low value work and that they belong with our outsourced team of lawyers in India. Did I deserve to get blasted for half an hour for being helpful to the sales team? I certainly didn't believe so. 

Nevertheless, I put my head down and said "yes ma'am." And I continued to do so for the next three and a half years, even when I got yelled at for asking questions that I should have been asking. 

Shit finally hit the fan when my father in law passed away and my manager rejected bereavement leave, which is something I'm statutorily obligated to have. 

All the while, I kept looking for new roles. However, my current job paid so well that finding a new role with a comparable salary was proving to be very difficult. People on my team kept quitting. First A left. Then T. They both ended up at the same company. Yet I still stayed as I struggled to land a new role. Meanwhile, I never bothered to consider that perhaps both A and T left because my manager was toxic. I internalized it and made myself believe that the problem was me. It wasn't until three and a half years after the NDA thrashing that I reached out to both A and T on LinkedIn, only to learn that they left because of my manager's style. 

So what are the lessons learned here about working with a toxic manager?

Don't go to their manager/HR. 

I escalated to her manager, with whom I had a decent relationship. None of that mattered, however. She had obviously been promoted by this VP because the VP believed in her. And the VP wasn't about to take back her vote of confidence. Instead, what ended up happening was that the VP did some digging and chatted with my manager-- and my manager came up with a documented list of things I did wrong. Now, in her world, doing things wrong is to simply not negotiate in her negotiation style, which she has memorialized in a playbook. For those of us who are seasoned in house commercial counsel, we know how hard it is to work with a playbook, as that's junior level process. Nevertheless, I walked away with a list of areas I needed to improve in. You see, management and HR have only one goal and that is to protect the company. 

Don't take it personal

I took my manager's feedback personally on many levels. Impostor syndrome kicked in time and time again and the inner critic in me liked to tell me that I was simply not good enough. When I learned however, that both A and T left because they, too, had been made to feel dumb in the role, my therapist reminded me that I can't beat myself up over my manager's lack of ability to properly manage. 

Look for a new job

If you're not happy with your manager, there's no price tag you can put on happiness. This is easier said than done and clearly, I'm not following my own rules here (well, I have a hefty mortgage to pay). Both A and T have told me they are much happier outside of my manager's toxic reach. It's not always easy to find a new job as in house counsel. First off, the roles are few and far between. Most of them demand at least 5 years of experience (which I have). But then there's the pay discrepancy from one role to the next. In house counsel roles can range anywhere from $130,000 on the low end to $275,000 on the high end. 

Perhaps the best advice on how to manage a toxic manager is to remember what makes you great-- and don't let the manager bring you down. At all times, maintain your grace and composure. Don't sweat the small stuff. 

How to Get a Job as In House Counsel

 I've been working as in-house counsel for over ten years but I didn't slide into this role easily. For many corporate lawyers, becoming in-house counsel is that elusive dream. It's a cushy role with lots of perks (especially when you work for a FAANG company). I don't work at a FAANG company but I still enjoy the benefits of working as in-house counsel-- the workload highs and lows while not being beholden to the billable hour. You actually get downtime and time for your family working in-house. Of course, at the end of quarter, my deal load is nuts and I don't even get the winter holidays off. 

If this sounds like something you'd want to be a part of, then the question you may be asking yourself is "how do I become in-house counsel?" Landing a job as in-house counsel isn't as easy as it appears. There are a few hitches. Unlike law firms, in-house employers aren't looking for entry level graduates. Quite often, they're seeking seasoned ex-law firm lawyers. So, in order to go in-house, you have to do your time with the billables at a reputable law firm. 

The Law Firm Way

The first way to land a job as in-house counsel is to start at a law firm and then transition to in-house. Like I told a prospective law student, the journey doesn't end upon law school admittance. You need to kill it in law school and graduate in the top third of your class in order to even be considered by the good law firms. FAANG typically hires out of the top law firms so it's pretty important to end up at an AmLaw200 firm. Once you have your foot in, there are two traditional ways to go in-house. The first is to represent a corporate client and do a secondment within that client. That's when the firm loans you out to the company. While this might not land you a job right away at that client, it serves two purposes-- one is to build contacts within the in-house landscape and the second is to build your resume so that you have in-house experience when you decide to apply to companies. 

The Internship Way

This strategy to land an in-house legal role is less likely but I've seen it done. If you can leverage your contacts and land a role as an intern within a company, then you will be able to gain that valuable experience you need in order to land a role as in-house counsel. Most in-house employers are looking for someone who has a level of in-house experience. Internships are a great way to gain that experience. If you can gain that internship through your law school's career center, that's usually the best place to start. 

The Contract Manager Way

This is a slightly less desirable way to become in-house counsel but it's been done by the crafty and resourceful types. Essentially, many contracts manager roles are looking for someone with a JD but perhaps who hasn't passed the bar exam. These roles are a great place to park while you write the bar exams. They provide you with valuable in-house contract negotiation experience which leads to commercial counsel roles. The drawback here is that in many cases, contracts managers are seen as paralegals and for many lawyers, the P word is a setback in their careers. Of course, even if the role is technically titled as a "paralegal", there's no need to be that prescriptive on your CV. After all, if they call you a contracts manager, that's what you are, even if it's a paraprofessional role. And frankly, many in-house legal departments favor the contract manager trajectory over the BigLaw trajectory when it comes to hiring a commercial counsel.

Which way works best? 

From experience, most of the in-house lawyers I know have come from either the law firm route or the contract manager path. I work as a commercial counsel and I've seen many aspiring counsel work in the trenches as contracts managers or even as paralegals after they've passed the bar and after they've worked at small firms. It's not for the faint of ego, however!