How to Survive a Toxic Boss When You're In House Counsel

I'm an in house lawyer and I hate my boss. She's a senior lawyer who has years less experience than those she manages. Somehow, she got promoted over others, probably due to her insane work ethic and eye for detail. After all, those are the qualities that set good lawyers apart. Being a good lawyer, however, isn't enough to be a good manager. She lacks one of the fundamental building blocks of leadership-- empathy. 

I still remember the first meeting I had with her, nearly four years ago. At that meeting, I had agreed to help one of our sales managers with an NDA. When I told her that I had taken on an NDA, she blasted me. I counted the minutes-- five, ten... thirty minutes on why I can't take NDAs because they're low value work and that they belong with our outsourced team of lawyers in India. Did I deserve to get blasted for half an hour for being helpful to the sales team? I certainly didn't believe so. 

Nevertheless, I put my head down and said "yes ma'am." And I continued to do so for the next three and a half years, even when I got yelled at for asking questions that I should have been asking. 

Shit finally hit the fan when my father in law passed away and my manager rejected bereavement leave, which is something I'm statutorily obligated to have. 

All the while, I kept looking for new roles. However, my current job paid so well that finding a new role with a comparable salary was proving to be very difficult. People on my team kept quitting. First A left. Then T. They both ended up at the same company. Yet I still stayed as I struggled to land a new role. Meanwhile, I never bothered to consider that perhaps both A and T left because my manager was toxic. I internalized it and made myself believe that the problem was me. It wasn't until three and a half years after the NDA thrashing that I reached out to both A and T on LinkedIn, only to learn that they left because of my manager's style. 

So what are the lessons learned here about working with a toxic manager?

Don't go to their manager/HR. 

I escalated to her manager, with whom I had a decent relationship. None of that mattered, however. She had obviously been promoted by this VP because the VP believed in her. And the VP wasn't about to take back her vote of confidence. Instead, what ended up happening was that the VP did some digging and chatted with my manager-- and my manager came up with a documented list of things I did wrong. Now, in her world, doing things wrong is to simply not negotiate in her negotiation style, which she has memorialized in a playbook. For those of us who are seasoned in house commercial counsel, we know how hard it is to work with a playbook, as that's junior level process. Nevertheless, I walked away with a list of areas I needed to improve in. You see, management and HR have only one goal and that is to protect the company. 

Don't take it personal

I took my manager's feedback personally on many levels. Impostor syndrome kicked in time and time again and the inner critic in me liked to tell me that I was simply not good enough. When I learned however, that both A and T left because they, too, had been made to feel dumb in the role, my therapist reminded me that I can't beat myself up over my manager's lack of ability to properly manage. 

Look for a new job

If you're not happy with your manager, there's no price tag you can put on happiness. This is easier said than done and clearly, I'm not following my own rules here (well, I have a hefty mortgage to pay). Both A and T have told me they are much happier outside of my manager's toxic reach. It's not always easy to find a new job as in house counsel. First off, the roles are few and far between. Most of them demand at least 5 years of experience (which I have). But then there's the pay discrepancy from one role to the next. In house counsel roles can range anywhere from $130,000 on the low end to $275,000 on the high end. 

Perhaps the best advice on how to manage a toxic manager is to remember what makes you great-- and don't let the manager bring you down. At all times, maintain your grace and composure. Don't sweat the small stuff. 

How to Get a Job as In House Counsel

 I've been working as in-house counsel for over ten years but I didn't slide into this role easily. For many corporate lawyers, becoming in-house counsel is that elusive dream. It's a cushy role with lots of perks (especially when you work for a FAANG company). I don't work at a FAANG company but I still enjoy the benefits of working as in-house counsel-- the workload highs and lows while not being beholden to the billable hour. You actually get downtime and time for your family working in-house. Of course, at the end of quarter, my deal load is nuts and I don't even get the winter holidays off. 

If this sounds like something you'd want to be a part of, then the question you may be asking yourself is "how do I become in-house counsel?" Landing a job as in-house counsel isn't as easy as it appears. There are a few hitches. Unlike law firms, in-house employers aren't looking for entry level graduates. Quite often, they're seeking seasoned ex-law firm lawyers. So, in order to go in-house, you have to do your time with the billables at a reputable law firm. 

The Law Firm Way

The first way to land a job as in-house counsel is to start at a law firm and then transition to in-house. Like I told a prospective law student, the journey doesn't end upon law school admittance. You need to kill it in law school and graduate in the top third of your class in order to even be considered by the good law firms. FAANG typically hires out of the top law firms so it's pretty important to end up at an AmLaw200 firm. Once you have your foot in, there are two traditional ways to go in-house. The first is to represent a corporate client and do a secondment within that client. That's when the firm loans you out to the company. While this might not land you a job right away at that client, it serves two purposes-- one is to build contacts within the in-house landscape and the second is to build your resume so that you have in-house experience when you decide to apply to companies. 

The Internship Way

This strategy to land an in-house legal role is less likely but I've seen it done. If you can leverage your contacts and land a role as an intern within a company, then you will be able to gain that valuable experience you need in order to land a role as in-house counsel. Most in-house employers are looking for someone who has a level of in-house experience. Internships are a great way to gain that experience. If you can gain that internship through your law school's career center, that's usually the best place to start. 

The Contract Manager Way

This is a slightly less desirable way to become in-house counsel but it's been done by the crafty and resourceful types. Essentially, many contracts manager roles are looking for someone with a JD but perhaps who hasn't passed the bar exam. These roles are a great place to park while you write the bar exams. They provide you with valuable in-house contract negotiation experience which leads to commercial counsel roles. The drawback here is that in many cases, contracts managers are seen as paralegals and for many lawyers, the P word is a setback in their careers. Of course, even if the role is technically titled as a "paralegal", there's no need to be that prescriptive on your CV. After all, if they call you a contracts manager, that's what you are, even if it's a paraprofessional role. And frankly, many in-house legal departments favor the contract manager trajectory over the BigLaw trajectory when it comes to hiring a commercial counsel.

Which way works best? 

From experience, most of the in-house lawyers I know have come from either the law firm route or the contract manager path. I work as a commercial counsel and I've seen many aspiring counsel work in the trenches as contracts managers or even as paralegals after they've passed the bar and after they've worked at small firms. It's not for the faint of ego, however!

The Mommy-Track for Lawyers: 5 Career Options

Mothers' Day is creeping up on us again and it's always a good time to talk about work issues for lawyer moms looking to re-enter the legal workforce.

After taking a break to raise kids, it won't come as a surprise to you that many legal employers can be unforgiving. To some degree, that's the nature of the legal profession. It's built in the billable hour and when you're raising a family, the billable hour is a demand that can be very hard to juggle. 

I'm an advocate of mommy-tracking your way back. Not all will agree with me, but it's a soft way to ease back in to the market without dealing with the pressures and expectations of the work world. 

The great thing about mommy-tracking is that you can work an easier job when the kids are small, and you never have a huge gap to explain. Then, as your kids get older, you can slowly move up to more challenging roles. 

Some examples of great mommy-tracked legal jobs:

1. The legal writer. I spent a large part of my mommy-tracked career at Findlaw.com. Of course, you'd have to live in Silicon Valley to work there, but their two-day-work-from-home policy was great and they had a solid 40-hours-a-week schedule. There are many legal writer and legal blogger jobs available and some will let you work entirely from home. 

Pros: Great flexibility. 

Cons: Low pay. Most jobs pay $20-30 an hour. 

2. The ghost writer for briefs.  There are many small litigation shops out there that are in need of a "behind the scenes" writer for legal briefs. It's hard work and not everyone has appellate brief experience. If you've been an appellate attorney in the past, then consider attending a few legal networking events and get to know litigators. You can easily charge $50-$150 per hour to draft these briefs.

Pros: Great flexibility, decent pay.

Cons: No stable income. You have to network and constantly find your next source of income. 

3. The contract manager.   In house legal departments are a beast of their own. While some believe that the in-house world is an amnesty for working parents, it's not always so and if you're negotiating sales contracts, don't expect to get the winter or Labor Day weekend off. But a contracts manager isn't on the hook as bad as the in-house attorney is and it's a great 9-5 job if you're buying your time before becoming in-house counsel. Here's the caveat, however: Don't expect that you'll be promoted to counsel at your current job. You'd likely have to apply to a different company as most companies won't promote their contract managers to "counsel". 

Pros: Great pay, great exposure to in-house legal

Cons: Don't expect to be promoted to "Counsel". 

4. The contract attorney. There are many great managed services out there that provide offsite lawyers into Fortune 500 companies. Many Silicon Valley companies are moving towards the managed-services model, where the are doing legal process outsourcing. You'd negotiate contracts and perform legal services from the comfort of your own home. Managed service providers include Axiom, Paragon, Elevate Services, and Flex by Fenwick. 

Pros: Great pay, great flexibility.

Cons: You can go large periods of time without an assignment. 

5. Your own practice. Many lawyer moms start their own shop. For some, it's a great fit. For others, it's not what they want. Having done it, I realized early that this wasn't what I wanted to do. I was always a corporate person who wanted to be in-house. But I have friends who swear by this-- from a financial standpoint and from a flexibility standpoint. 

Pros: You make your own hours, sense of accomplishment.

Cons: You eat what you kill-- no stability. Also, it can be a lot of work.